Do you have to bleed to know you’re alive? So much of my life was spent trying to prove myself to others to feel there was value. Most of us were trapped in performance-based childhoods where if we behaved, got good grades, cleaned our rooms and kinda just kept quiet, were rewarded with “love”.
Experience Dysfunction And Repeat
We grow up to repeat those same patterns. Job performance is one way equate who we are as people. Our self-worth becomes grounded in the fickle and cyclical trickle of someone else’s feelings. The instability of how someone may feel on a certain day as an anchor for giving you worth is toxic.
Over the years I spent pedaling, running and swimming countless miles, someone said I was running away from things in life. I scoffed because I assured them I was not running from but pursuing toward my goals. The truth was once I took a healthy break and gained a spiritual perspective, I was indeed seeking that elusive external performance-based “good boy”.
It wasn’t rooted in what people said, but in miles, time, heart rates and PR (personal records). I needed to “bleed” by pushing myself beyond my own limits and into areas where dangerous pain was welcomed as a faithful training companion. It was a result of the Garden of Eden of all places. What?
God created us with a deep need for love, security, significance and purpose. He overflowed those needs as He hung tight with Adam and Eve. They had it all and then some. What they also had was order and structure. That came in the simple boundary of not eating from one particular tree. Despite hitting the paradise lottery, they wanted the bigger, better deal and violated the one limit God had set.
In doing that, they separated themselves and all of humanity from God. In that separation, the deep needs for love, security, significance and purpose remained but were no longer internally fulfilled by God. Receiving these needs became an external pursuit that they (and we) began to chase. Who they were now depended on what they did, not Who’s they were. Their security depended on their labor instead of God’s love. Their significance depended on what they accomplished instead of their identity in Christ and their sense of significance depended on their independent actions instead of God’s gifts.
The devil didn’t care if they bit a piece of fruit or if we ignore the family to make extra money. Satan’s job of destroying our relationship with God only depends on the slightest act of separation from His presence. Sin creates that gap, and chasing our deepest needs as external affirmation or fleeting feelings of razor-thin love assures that Satan’s work is done.
God restores, redeems and renews relationships and still fills our needs deeper than any ocean. Guess what? We don’t have to bleed to feel alive. Jesus already did that.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16NKJV Bible
Praying For You
There is freedom waiting for you on the other side of tough times. I’m praying that you begin to identify the blessings in your life and focus on them until you breakthrough into a new, anointed light. PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me if you need someone to walk through the process with you.
Make sure to get connected at Five Stones Church.Online – we have an incredible community and small groups.
Blessings and Honor,
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Categories: Dr. Scott Silverii